Back and forth

I have not written very much this year. Other than my workshop schedules, the grand total of the number of articles that I have put up on this blog, including this one, is … two.

For a soul like me, who has incarnated time and time again to serve as teacher and scribe; and for someone who, in this current lifetime, has spent the most part of her professional career writing and editing, this is pitiful, paltry output.

I could say that so much happened this year that I got so caught up in the whirlwind of change and activity that I just could not find the time or energy to sit down and pen my thoughts. Or I could say that nothing very much happened at all, too little to merit me sharing any insights.

Perhaps it was because I procrastinated too long before writing; so the window of inspiration opened and closed without me properly looking through it. It could have been that, when I finally made the effort to sit down and write, I allowed myself to be distracted – by the television, by my cellphone pinging as it alerted me to text messages that I found impossible to resist reading or replying to immediately, even if they were not important. Or – horror of horrors – could it have been because when I began to write, I got hit with Writer’s Block, and so, in frustration, I began playing a silly computer game which held me in such thrall that, when I finally came up for air, hours had passed, and the Block had grown to such massive proportions that I simply had to give up?

Take your pick. I will admit to not one of the above, but to all.

So what do I do now? Should I bow my head in shame and remorse, and beg for forgiveness and understanding? Should I act tough and pretend that it does not matter? Or could I find a way to lay the blame at someone else’s door? Perhaps I could blame the world for always giving me the short end of the stick, for the way so many things did not turn out the way I would have liked them to, for how horrible people are and how awful life is in general.

According to many, this year has not been a good year for the world. We’ve had our share of disasters, acts of terrorism, economic upheavals and deaths. Change got a new name and face – Brexit and Trump. If I subscribed to everything I see on Facebook, I would be counting the minutes to the start of 2017, for the horrors of 2016 just have to end.

Even as I write this, my cellphone is pinging every so often, as friends and well-wishers send me early greetings and shared hopes for the new year. I appreciate them all.

But I also appreciate that if I did not have this fast-ending year behind me, then I would be missing a huge chunk of growth and expansion of my heart, mind and soul. I would be missing a piece of me.

Every year brings with it offerings galore – joy, sorrow, life, death, happiness, pain, healing, suffering, triumphs, defeats, beginnings, endings… The list is comprehensive, but more importantly, the opportunities are endless. It is not what is dished out to you that matters. It is how you choose to perceive it, and what you then make of it, that does.

This year, without the pain of losing several pets and people that I loved, I would not cherish the companionship of those that are still with me as much. Without the frustration of having people – in my life as well as in the world – behave badly, I would not have caught sight of the reflections of myself from the mirrors that they were unconsciously holding up for me. Without failing some of my own tests, I would not have passed the ones that came after, or helped others with theirs because I had learnt from my mistakes.

If I do not look back, I would not see clearly enough to move forward. Because understanding my past, and learning from it, brings about insights that can lead to wisdom in the present. And it is this wisdom that guides me as I continue forward into the future.

If I run towards the future just because I can’t wait to get away from my past, then I have not recognised the opportunities for transformation and growth that had been proffered, and there is no guarantee that what the future holds will not turn out to be just another rerun. If I lose faith in others because I think they have not learnt, or are unlikely to learn, their lessons, then I do not truly honour them as sparks of the Divine, Eternal Flame… as I am. If I say I have released my anger at someone with whom I have past- or present-life issues, but still quicken to rage or judgement at the slightest provocation, then I have not truly released it, but am, in truth, choosing to hold on to that baggage so as to indulge in self-pity, self-justification and self-righteousness.

So. However you choose to see out the year and welcome the new, this is my prayer: May you see the rainbow that spans across all that comes with 2017. And may you choose not just to go with the flow, but to roll with the punches and come up again with a smile.

A happy, blessed New Year to you all.

Oh, yes. And you’ll be hearing more from me 🙂


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